Okay, this is going to be a short one this week because frankly I’ve not seen anything significant to discuss this week. I, like probably all of you, am sick and tired of all the guesswork into what the next Xbox will and won’t have – it’s the only remaining variable people, be patient. So naturally it would be very stupid of me to create an article that addresses any of that. Once we know more in May, I’ll touch on it then. In the meantime I figured I’d throw out a gripe or two I have with console networks in hopes that they are someday addressed. This is a bit vulgar.
Microsoft (Xbox Live): Alright M$, you have a great online infrastructure, fast distribution method, and the most preferred way to console game online to the point that people will pay you $60 a year for it when the competition gives it away. Having said that, where the fuck is all the free and discounted shit? You’ve obviously been keeping a keen eye on Steam and reveled in how you blow away the stats of Playstation Network and whatever the hell Nintendo calls its “network.” Is it so much to ask that you charge less than fifteen fucking dollars for Conan? How sad is it that I can use Xbox Live to look up MSRP on games that are more than 5 years old? Those “deep discounts” you offer (and only to Gold members I might add) are pathetic and I could give two rotten shits about the whopping 2% rewards I get back. Thank you Microsoft for 160 fucking MS points ($2) I’ve acquired on the past 8,000 ($100) spent. Also, while we’re at it, ditch the point conversion method and just charge me dollars and stop dissecting whether it’s dollars or points in Games on Demand. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to buy dollar games with points or point games with dollars, ditch it all and make it consistent. And as the cocky front-runner of online console services you definitely have no chance of telling me this is a technical barrier – fuck you, I pay $60 a year, fix it.
Sony (Playstation Network): Sony, how far you’ve come. I love your indie game releases, your consistent discounts to both plus and non-plus people, PSN+ gives away some great games for free, and despite not being as reliable and consistent as Xbox Live, for no cost you do okay with online play. Explain to me, though, why the fuck you can’t push a god damn update live at the same time each week. Why have you chosen to only make changes to your network one day a week and thus bog down the Playstation 3 digital review copies? When a company throws enough money at you, PSN can sure as shit update on a different day than the sacred Tues in US, Weds in Europe, and Thurs in Japan, so don’t tell me it isn’t possible. And could you do a better job communicating with us too? Sony didn’t tell me until after midnight last night, which is technically Wednesday morning, that they weren’t able to push the store update live due to maintenance. Don’t you think the various publishers, developers, and customers would appreciate some fucking explanations for why they can’t spend or make money? Christ, even when PSN was hacked I had to learn my credit card info was gone by some teen buying hookers in Amsterdam. You need to provide more store and network consistency for your partners and customers, for free…I know, it sucks, but you chose not to charge not me. Oh and get some fucking cross-game chat for fucks sake.
Nintendo (Nintendonet?): Nintendo, Nintendo, Nintendo. Actually, we’re good. You integrated voice chat into Monster Hunter, sell stuff easily, ditched points, pay-per-transaction, and even created message boards. So, uh, I guess good job? Okay, give us Earthbound and you can go. Shoo! You have much bigger problems than the ghost town that is your network.
The views and opinons expressed here are solely that of the author, Fred Rojas, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the B-Team Podcast or the other hosts. In fact, most of the time the other guys think I’m bat shit insane.